I had some thoughts, so I put them into a blog format 🙂 I am sure there are plenty of grammar errors and sentences that don’t make sense, but oh well 🙂
Well, as the seconds tick down to the last final hours of my 20s, I reflected back on my 20s a bit. Lots of good things happened and lots of growth physical (due to pregnancy) and mentally (good and not so good ways). After much thought, there is no way in hell I want to re-live my early 20s. Nothing bad happened but lots of emotional termoil to sift through and tears that I would rather not have to relive.
But to focus on the positives, here are my 20s in a nutshell.
~Got my bachelors (2007)
~Got my Doctorate (2010)
~Got a good job in with my degree (2010)
~Met the love of my life (2005)
~Married to the love of my life (I know so cliche) (2010)
~Bought a house (2010)
~Bought 2 new used cars, ones that actually have power locks/windows and heat/air conditioning. And radios that work and trunks that open (2010 and 2013)
~Got a cute dog (2010)
~Had a cute baby girl (2013)
~ran multiple 5ks, 10ks, half marathons, multiple mud runs, and a MARATHON!
~Joined roller derby (2014)
There are just a few of the fun bullet points in my 20s.
The best of my 20s happened in the last year and half, with giving life to a human child, running, and roller derby.
Giving life was no easy task. I knew the moment I was pregnant that I would be in for a rough year or two mentally because I knew there was going to be a time of redefining and figuring out who I was again, but I had no idea the extent of it really. It continues to be a struggle daily pending on my mood and how whiney my 16 month old daughter is. It’s a good thing she is cute. Toddlers are like sour patch kids, they are sour then sweet, over and over and over again until nap time/bedtime (which sometimes continues into bed time). But there are so many moments where she melts my heart. Like when she finally starts to use a sign I have been trying to teach her for months or the random kisses/hugs she gives or the random dance parties in the living room. She doesn’t even know it but she has helped me see what aspects of myself I need to change and also what aspects of myself that are just fine. Having a child is like being put under a microscope with a 1,000x zoom and with someone with low self esteem and confidence, this was NOT a good thing. I struggled daily and still do but it is not as bad. This gives way into my running world.
Running was my first outlet/break from being a mommy. It was my ME time. I had just finished my first half marathon in 2012, and then 2 weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. I kept running for a bit but then winter hit and I got lazy and I was in a constant state of fatigue for months. Got bigger and more comfortable from being pregnant, you know the usual. Then finally in Dec of 2013 (5 months after my daughter was born), I decided to get back into the running game. I decided to run at least 1 race a month. I know, crazy to do that, since I live in a state where is snows from November until April. That year was particularly cold. But I am and was stubborn enough to follow through and not give up on that goal. My first race was just walking, the second a bitterly cold race where I ran most of it and got told from an old guy that “you run a pretty good pace for a bigger girl.” Thanks old guy? I knew he meant well and I just laughed. So after at least 6 5ks, 1 8k, 2 10ks, 2 half marathons, a 4 mile race, a 5 mile mud run, and a FULL marathon, I have just about completed my one race a month. I have one more race in December before my once race a month is done. Running a full marathon was HARD physically and mentally. It took me just under 7 hours. Knee pain and mental fatigue made me almost quit multiple times. But the bottom line is that I FINISHED! I will continue on my running adventures, especially because I will be running multiple races with my lovely derby ladies, which leads me into my next grand adventure in the last year.
Ahhhh, roller derby. This sport came into my life when I needed it most. Feeling lost after becoming a mommy, lacking self esteem/confidence, physical not fit and needing/wanting to get my body back after baby, I decided joining roller derby was a good idea. I don’t think I was prepared of all the emotions that came from starting derby. There were weeks of frustration, weeks of self doubt, weeks of not feeling good enough, until finally, one day about halfway through bootcamp something clicked. A switch was flipped and the negatives turned into positives, self doubt turned into confidence. My attitude of self doubt and low self esteem started to turn into a confident strong women. I am still a work in progress, but overall, my view of myself has been altered for the better. My body and mind have been transformed since starting this sport. Hard to put that into words currently. Many tears and laughs have gotten me to where I am today. Lots of stubbornness, determination, and hard work have gotten me through. And the best thing, my journey is not over yet.
As 30 approaches, I KNOW there are great things planned for myself and my family. I finally feel like I have somewhat on a grasp on life. A grasp onto who I am and who I want to be. A grasp on being OK with where I am as a person and willingness to grow. Somewhat of a grasp on raising a child. I have become better at being ok with having faults and celebrating my quirkiness. I have gotten better with forgiving myself and showing myself grace for when I am not perfect (which is often). I have a family that loves me, a husband who has always fully supported me in everything I have done and wanted to do. My 30s are going to freaking rock.
I already have grand plans for my next decade of life, such as, being a bouting roller derby player and trying to train and complete a triathlon. Everyone always seems that turning 30 sucks, but I see it as a beautiful thing and I can’t wait to see what my 3rd decades has in store for me.